Polyvagal Theory For Emotional Regulation and Open Relationships

Understanding Polyvagal Theory – Origins and Core Concepts

Polyvagal Theory (PVT) is a neurophysiological framework developed by Dr. Stephen W. Porges in the 1990s to explain how the autonomic nervous system, particularly the vagus nerve, regulates our responses to safety, danger, and life threat​. The theory arose from a “vagal paradox” observed in heart-rate patterns: sometimes vagal activation was calming (as in the normal beat-to-beat variability of a healthy heart), yet in other cases vagal stimulation caused drastic slowing of the heart (bradycardia) during stress​. Porges resolved this paradox by identifying two distinct branches of the vagus nerve – each with different evolutionary origins and functions​. In essence, Polyvagal Theory posits that our autonomic nervous system has threehierarchically organized subsystems that correspond to different behavioral states: a newest system for social engagement (ventral vagal), a middle system for mobilization (sympathetic fight/flight), and a most ancient system for immobilization (dorsal vagal)​ .

Autonomic Nervous System | Source: somaticmovementcenter.com/
Autonomic Nervous System | Source: somaticmovementcenter.com/

Autonomic “Ladder” of States

According to Porges, the state we occupy is largely determined by unconscious neuroception – a constant subconscious evaluation of safety and threat in our environment​. When we feel safe, the ventral branch of the vagus (originating in the nucleus ambiguus and unique to mammals) dominates, fostering what Porges calls the Social Engagement System. In this ventral vagal state, heart rate is calm, breathing is relaxed, and we naturally engage with others through eye contact, facial expression, and vocal tone. We feel grounded, curious, and connected – capable of complex thought and communication ​. This state is sometimes nicknamed “safe and social.” However, if our neuroception detects danger, this state gives way to older defense circuits. The first level of defense is mobilization, driven by the sympathetic nervous system (“fight or flight” mode). In a sympathetic state, adrenaline surges and heart rate climbs; the body prepares to fight a threat or flee from it​. One may feel anxiety, anger, or panic in this state, often with hypervigilant focus and impulsive reactivity (e.g. yelling, arguing or storming out of a room)​. If fight/flight doesn’t resolve the threat or if escape isn’t possible, the nervous system may regress to the most primitive strategy: immobilization​. This is governed by the dorsal vagal complex (an unmyelinated branch originating in the dorsal motor nucleus) – akin to a reptilian “freeze” or shutdown response​. In a dorsal vagal state, heart rate and blood pressure plunge; one might feel numb, faint, or emotionally collapsed (dissociated). This manifests as withdrawal, an inability to move or speak, or a sense of “checked out” resignation. Porges often describes this hierarchy as the polyvagal ladder, with ventral vagal at the top (social engagement), sympathetic in the middle (fight/flight), and dorsal vagal at the bottom (freeze/shutdown). Under stress, humans tend to move down the ladder; recovery involves climbing back up to safety.

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To summarize these core states and their features, see Table 1: 

Autonomic State

Polyvagal System

Features & Behaviors

Evolutionary Role

Social Engagement (Safe & Connected)

Ventral Vagal (myelinated, part of parasympathetic)

Calm heart rate, normal breathing; “rest-and-digest” functions active. Person is relaxed but alert, emotionally present, and able to socially communicate (e.g. eye contact, prosody in voice, and facial expressions)​. There is a sense of safety, curiosity, and empathy.

Newest system (mammalian innovation for social bonding). Allows cooperative communication, attachment, and co-regulation with others for mutual safety.

Mobilization (Fight or Flight)

Sympathetic Nervous System (with “vagal brake” released)

Body mobilizes energy to confront or escape threat.Heart rate and blood pressure increase, stress hormones (adrenaline). Emotions include fear, anger, irritation or panic. Behavior becomes reactive: one may fight (yell, confront) or flee (escape the situation)​. Thinking becomes black-and-white and attention locks onto the threat.

Mid-level system (evolved in early vertebrates and mammals)​. Adaptive purpose is active defense – to help an organism survive danger by either overcoming it or running away.

Immobilization (Freeze or Shutdown)

Dorsal Vagal (unmyelinated, part of parasympathetic)

Body slows down or “plays dead” in face of inescapable threat. Heart rate drops, breathing may be shallow, one might feel cold or dizzy. Emotionally, there’s numbness, despair, or dissociation – a sense of being trapped or hopeless. Behaviorally, the person might collapse, become unresponsive, or socially withdraw (akin to “deer in headlights” or fainting). In milder forms, this can be shutting down emotionally or “going blank.”

Oldest system (shared with reptiles)​. It’s a last-resort passive defense – conserving energy or avoiding pain by feigning death or shutting off awareness. Adaptive in life-threat situations (e.g. predator loses interest in prey that’s limp), though in humans it may manifest as dissociative collapse under extreme trauma.

Neuroception and the Social Engagement System

A key contribution of Polyvagal Theory is the concept of neuroception, which Porges defines as the body’s innate ability to detect safety or danger in the environment, without conscious thought​. Unlike perception (which is conscious), neuroception is an unconscious risk scanner: for example, subtle cues like a friendly facial expression or warm tone of voice signal safety, whereas an angry shout or a sudden loud noise might signal danger. These cues trigger shifts in autonomic state. If safety is detected, the ventral vagal system remains dominant, allowing us to stay engaged and co-regulate (i.e. mutually regulate nervous system state) with others​. Porges’ research highlighted that the ventral vagus is closely linked with nerves controlling facial muscles, vocal cords, and the middle ear; this “social engagement system” lets us send and receive signals of safety (e.g. smiling, making eye contact, speaking in a melodic voice)​. For instance, in mammals (unlike reptiles) the tiny middle ear muscles tune our hearing to the frequency of human voice when we feel safe, enabling better communication​. In short, evolution added a social branch to our vagus nerve so that staying connected became a survival strategy​.

When neuroception senses danger, however, that ventral “safety mode” is involuntarily inhibited – a process Porges calls dissolution – and older autonomic responses take over​. For example, imagine a person walking in a dark alley: if they hear footsteps and feel threatened, their physiology might shift from relaxed social engagement to activated fight/flight (sympathetic); if the threat intensifies to the point of terror, a freeze/shutdown response might occur. These shifts happen automatically and below the level of conscious decision. Polyvagal Theory thus reframes our emotional states not as mere psychological events but as deeply embodied, biologically-driven states rooted in whether our nervous system judges us to be safe, in danger, or under life threat​. This has profound implications for understanding stress and trauma: after trauma, people often have a “persisting sense of threat” that keeps them stuck in defensive autonomic states (fight/flight or freeze) even when objective safety has been restored​. Indeed, trauma survivors may vacillate between hyper-arousal and shutdown, unable to easily return to the ventral vagal state of calm connection​. Polyvagal Theory explains this as the nervous system’s learned neuroception of danger – essentially, a trigger-happy defense circuitry.

Another facet often included in polyvagal-informed literature is the “fawn” or “appease” response, essentially a people-pleasing strategy mediated by our social engagement system in the context of threat. This isn’t one of Porges’ original three states, but clinicians note it as a blend of defense and connection. When appeasing, a person still uses social behaviors, but not from a place of true safety – rather, they are faking or inhibiting their real feelings to avoid conflict. Appeasement might look like inauthentic agreeing, codependent fixing, or crossing one’s own boundaries to keep another happy​. It’s essentially a feigned social engagement driven by fear (a variant of the sympathetic response). For example, a child might placate an angry parent by being overly compliant (a survival strategy in an unsafe relationship). Polyvagal Theory encompasses this nuance by acknowledging states can blend; we might socially engage and be in defense at the same time (e.g. a strained, nervous smile). Indeed, Porges describes “hybrid states”: ventral vagal mixed with sympathetic can manifest as play (vigorous activity but with joy and safety), whereas ventral mixed with dorsal can manifest as gentle immobilization without fear (for instance, cuddling or resting safely with a loved one)​. These blended states show that our nervous system is dynamic – not strictly one mode at all times.

In summary, Polyvagal Theory provides a biological explanation for why we might feel calm and connected in some situations and panicked or shut-down in others. It highlights the evolutionary wisdom in our visceral reactions. Feeling safe cues the body to lower defenses and engage socially, which in turn promotes health, growth, and restoration​. Feeling threatened cues the body to mobilize or immobilize for survival. Table 1 and the discussion above outline the basics of this polyvagal framework. Next, we will explore how these insights are applied in therapy and self-regulation practices.

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Applications in Therapy and Self-Regulation

Polyvagal Theory has had a major influence on trauma therapy and mind-body practices by illuminating how to work with the autonomic nervous system rather than against it. Traditional talk therapy often struggled to address symptoms of PTSD and chronic stress that are rooted in physiological states (e.g. hyperarousal, dissociation). Integrating PVT into psychotherapy means paying attention to the client’s bodily state and using techniques to shift that state toward safety (ventral vagal activation)​. In practice, this “polyvagal-informed” approach has led to body-based therapeutic modalities and self-regulation tools aimed at calming the nervous system and expanding one’s capacity to tolerate stress while staying present.

Somatic Tools and Techniques

A variety of exercises help clients regulate their own vagal state. One of the simplest is breath work. Slow, deep breathing with elongated exhales is a staple in polyvagal-oriented therapy because it activates the ventral vagus nerve and signals the body to relax​. For example, a basic exercise is inhaling for ~4 seconds, then exhaling for ~6–8 seconds; repeating this for a few minutes can trigger a noticeable calming effect (sometimes called engaging the “vagal brake”)​. Other techniques directly target the nerves involved in the social engagement system. Vocalizations like gentle humming, chanting, or singing stimulate the vagal pathways that run through the throat and also vibrate the middle ear, potentially improving that sense of safety (this principle is used in Porges’ own therapeutic protocol which uses filtered music)​. Similarly, eye contact and soft facial expressions can feedback to our brain that we’re safe – which is why therapists trained in PVT will often speak in a calm, melodic voice and encourage clients to orientto safe aspects of the room (literally looking around to remind the nervous system that no predator is lurking). Grounding exercises that involve the senses are also common: for instance, touching a comforting object, noticing five things in the environment, or feeling one’s feet on the floor can all counteract the tunnel vision of fight/flight and bring someone back to the present moment​. Table 2 lists a few such self-regulation tools and their polyvagal rationale:

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Regulation Tool

Polyvagal Effect

Example Use

Slow deep breathing(especially longer exhales)

Activates the ventral vagus, which slows heart rate and promotes calm. Brings the parasympathetic “brake” back online to counteract fight/flight.

Taking 5–10 deep, rhythmic breaths before a difficult conversation to reduce anxiety.

Humming or gentle singing

Stimulates the vagus nerve via the vocal cords and listening pathways, enhancing the social engagement system​journalofpsychiatryreform.com. Also extends exhalation (as one hums) which further calms.

Humming a favorite calming tune when feeling on edge, or singing a lullaby to soothe oneself (or a child).

Grounding through the senses(noticing sights, sounds, touch)

Signals safety by orienting to the here-and-now. Helps shift out of fearful mind-chatter into direct sensory experience, reminding the nervous system that in this moment one is not under attack​sandstonecare.com.

Using the “5-4-3-2-1” technique: name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste, to come out of a panicky thought spiral.

Rhythmic movement or exercise

Releases stored fight/flight energy and can reset the autonomic state. Mild to moderate exercise also tends to stimulate breathing and blood flow in a regulating way​journalofpsychiatryreform.com. Movement done playfully (dancing, walking in nature) can engage ventral vagal circuits (enjoyment, play) alongside the sympathetic, preventing a total shutdown or uncontrolled surge.

Going for a brisk walk after a stressful meeting to “shake off” excess adrenaline; dancing to music for a few minutes to improve mood and vagal tone.

Positive social contact(co-regulation)

Leverages the social engagement system to regulate. When with a calm, trusted person (or even pet), our systems can synchronize and downshift together​journalofpsychiatryreform.com. Eye contact, physical affection, or simply being listened to can spur the release of oxytocin and other “safety” physiology.

Calling a supportive friend when you feel triggered, or sitting close to a loved one (perhaps hugging or holding hands) until you feel your heartbeat steady.

Many of these techniques are used in somatic therapies such as Somatic Experiencing (SE), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, and others that explicitly incorporate Polyvagal Theory. For instance, Somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine, focuses on helping clients renegotiate their fight/flight/freeze responses by tracking body sensations and “titrating” the release of trauma energy​. An SE therapist will gently guide a client to pay attention to internal sensations and pendulate between moments of activation and moments of safety, so that over time the nervous system can discharge lingering fight/flight energy without becoming overwhelmed​. This directly reflects polyvagal principles: the client practices moving between sympathetic arousal and ventral vagal calm, in tolerable doses, gradually expanding their capacity to stay in the present. Tracking sensations, titration, and pendulation are all SE techniques that help prevent a client from flipping into a full shutdown – they learn to dip a toe into uncomfortable feelings, then come back to a regulated state, building resilience. Throughout this process, the therapist’s role is to provide a co-regulating presence: an attuned therapist will notice if the client is starting to disassociate or panic, and may intervene with grounding prompts or a calming voice to help bring the client back to the “window of tolerance” (the regulated zone). In fact, trauma therapists often say “the relationship is the therapy”. From a polyvagal lens, this underscores that a safe therapeutic alliance – the empathetic, non-judgmental connection with the therapist – is a vehicle for co-regulation, teaching the client’s nervous system experientially how to find safety in connection again​. Often, clients with trauma have lost their “sources of social support” and thus have fewer means to naturally regulate their autonomic state​. Therapy provides a corrective experience: through many sessions of feeling understood and safe with the therapist, the client’s ventral vagal system strengthens (this is sometimes evidenced by improvements in their heart rate variability, an indicator of vagal tone​).

Another influential framework, Internal Family Systems (IFS), has been fruitfully combined with Polyvagal Theory in clinical practice. IFS, developed by Richard Schwartz, works with a person’s “parts” – e.g. inner child parts, protector parts, etc. – and aims to restore the leadership of the core Self (a state of compassion, curiosity, calm, and other “C” qualities). Clinicians have noted that the IFS concept of “Self energy” bears a striking resemblance to the ventral vagal state: when a client is in Self, they are calm, grounded, and socially receptive (essentially, regulated and safe)​. Conversely, when a client is blended with a traumatized part or a defensive protector part, they often show signs of autonomic dysregulation (anxiety, anger, or shut-down). Polyvagal Theory offers a map of these physiological states that can complement IFS work. For example, an “exile” part that carries terror might correspond to a dorsal vagal collapse (feeling small, scared, and frozen), whereas a “firefighter” part that lashes out in rage might correspond to a sympathetic fight state. Integrating the two models, some therapists explicitly help clients notice their nervous system state when different parts are active, and use somatic techniques to bring the client back to ventral vagal (back to Self) so that they can address those parts from a place of compassion​. One IFS practitioner writes that Polyvagal Theory provides a “roadmap” beneath all therapy models – a way of understanding the biology of what’s happening in a session – so that when a client gets “hijacked” by a part, the therapist can guide them in finding a pathway back to the regulated Self state​. In essence, polyvagal-informed IFS involves continually monitoring safety: ensuring the client stays within their window of tolerance (ventral vagal dominance) or can quickly return there after a temporary dip into fight/flight or freeze. Techniques might include pausing a dialogue with a distressed part to have the client do some breathing or heart-focused imagery that re-engages their ventral vagal state​. Deb Dana, a clinician who has written extensively on Polyvagal Theory in therapy, even created the concept of a “polyvagal ladder”exercise used in IFS contexts: clients identify where they are on the ladder (e.g. Bottom = “I’m shut down”; Middle = “I’m anxious/angry”; Top = “I feel safe”), and they practice exercises or use resources (both internal and external) to help them climb back up​.

Co-Regulation and Social Support: A cornerstone of polyvagal-oriented practice is that we regulate each other. Humans are social animals wired to seek safety in numbers and through connection. Porges emphasizes that co-regulation – the calming presence of another – is not a luxury but a biological imperative for us, especially in infancy and childhood. Therapists therefore pay attention not only to teaching clients solo skills, but also to shaping the relational environment. In therapy this means the therapist works on their own regulated state and uses voice, facial expression, and genuine attunement to send the client’s nervous system signals of safety (often without any explicit discussion – it’s a biological dialogue). Beyond therapy, many polyvagal-informed coaches encourage individuals to build “resilience through relationships” in daily life. This can involve simple practices like: seeking out supportive community, spending time with people who make you feel seen and safe, or even engaging in activities with others that promote rhythmic synchrony (for example, group singing, prayer, or team sports can all engender a powerful sense of connectedness that downshifts the nervous system). Indeed, a review in a psychiatry journal noted that being surrounded by supportive, attuned people can lead to co-regulation, just as surely as being around stressed, hostile people can dysregulate us – “if stress can be contagious, so can relaxation or safety”​. The takeaway is that regulating our nervous system is notsolely an individual task; it’s also about cultivating healthy relationships and environments that naturally keep us (and our autonomic states) balanced. Modern trauma treatment programs often integrate group therapy, peer support, or family therapy for this reason – they aim to restore the client’s capacity to connect, as social connection itself is therapeutic​.

Evidence of Efficacy: Many of the above practices (breathing, mindfulness, yoga, etc.) have gained empirical support for reducing stress and improving emotional regulation, though the specific polyvagal explanations are still being studied. Heart-rate variability (HRV), an index of vagal tone, often improves with consistent practice of breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga – aligning with Porges’ idea that we can “tone” our ventral vagal system like a muscle​. There is even a program developed by Porges called the Safe and Sound Protocol (a listening-based intervention) that has shown promise in improving social engagement behaviors in individuals with trauma or autism, presumably by exercising the middle-ear muscles and vagal pathways to the heart​. While more research is needed, the clinical consensus is that integrating body-based, polyvagal-informed techniques can greatly enhance outcomes. These methods help clients not just talkabout change, but embody it – teaching their nervous systems, over time, that it is safe to relax and safe to connect. As one psychiatrist put it, “trauma affects the whole body… so healing must integrate bodily experiences”, and even if Polyvagal Theory’s details are debated, it provides a useful paradigm to guide such integrative, mind-body approaches.

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Critiques and Controversies of Polyvagal Theory

Polyvagal Theory has been influential, but it is not without controversy. Within the scientific community, some scholars argue that PVT oversimplifies the complexities of neuroanatomy and emotion​. One major critique is that the theory’s anatomical claims (distinction between dorsal vs. ventral vagal functions) aren’t fully supported by empirical research. For instance, Porges hypothesized that the dorsal vagal complex is the primary driver of the “freeze” response and extreme bradycardia, whereas the ventral vagal complex mediates respiratory sinus arrhythmia and social engagement. Critics like neuroscientist Paul Grossman have pointed out that available evidence does not clearly show a separate dorsal pathway causing these effects in humans​. Grossman’s detailed 2023 critique examined five core premises of PVT and found issues with each. For example, he notes that both heart-rate variability and outright bradycardia seem to be controlled by the ventral vagal nucleus (nucleus ambiguus), with little to no unique contribution from a “dorsal” pathway in mammals – contrary to Porges’ earlier two-branch model​. Likewise, Grossman argues that the “freeze” behavior (immobility with fear) in mammals is not conclusively tied to the dorsal motor nucleus at all – some research suggests it may still involve ventral vagal mechanisms and higher brain structures, meaning the neat attribution to the reptilian vagus could be incorrect​. Additionally, Porges had suggested that regulating vagal tone via the ventral vagus was a uniquely mammalian (and social) adaptation, but critics point out that even reptiles and other vertebrates exhibit vagal regulation of heart rate and energy states (just without the social nuances), so the evolutionary leap may not be as distinct as implied.

Another frequent criticism is that Polyvagal Theory is difficult to falsify or test rigorously because it packages many phenomena under one broad conceptual umbrella​. Emotional states, attachment behaviors, and physiological measurements are all intertwined in PVT, which can make it challenging to design experiments that isolate “polyvagal” effects. Skeptics argue that we already have established models – e.g. the standard sympathetic/parasympathetic model of arousal, or the role of the limbic system (amygdala, etc.) in fear and attachment – that can explain a lot of what PVT explains, often with more empirical backing​. For example, the classic “fight or flight or freeze” concept (dating back to Cannon and later elaborated by others) maps onto sympathetic vs. parasympathetic activity without needing a special new vagus-based theory. Similarly, attachment and emotional regulation involve brain circuits (limbic and cortical) that Polyvagal Theory touches only lightly. Critics worry that PVT enthusiasts sometimes attribute too much to the vagus nerve and ignore the role of the brain. In Psychology Today, one clinical psychologist noted that PVT has become a popular narrative in therapy circles – even a fad on social media – yet many practitioners using it have a limited neuroscience background​. He cautioned that some claims (e.g. “all dysregulation is a vagus problem”) are oversimplifications, and warned that therapists should treat PVT as a helpful theory rather than gospel, being transparent with clients that it’s a model still under scientific investigation​​. In other words, framing interventions as “according to Polyvagal Theory” is fine as long as clients understand this is an explanatory lens, not a fully settled fact – therapists should obtain informed consent and avoid over-promising based on PVT​​.

Even among trauma experts who appreciate the clinical usefulness of PVT, there is acknowledgement that more research is needed. A summary from a medical institute notes that “like all theories, it has not been fully proven, and more evidence is needed to convince critics of its credibility.”​​. Specific points of contention include whether the ventral vagus is truly the driver of “social” behavior (or simply part of a larger network that involves oxytocin, cortical circuits, etc.), and whether heart rate variability (HRV) is a reliable index of one’s “polyvagal state” (HRV is influenced by many factors and may not cleanly correspond to safety vs. defense states in every case)​. Additionally, the “fainting” or extreme shutdown response – often cited by Porges as a dorsal vagal outcome – is relatively rare in humans and some researchers argue it’s not as relevant to psychological trauma as Porges suggests​​. There’s also a practical critique: while Polyvagal Theory gives a rich metaphorical framework (with ladders, safety cues, etc.), it doesn’t always yield new treatment techniques beyond what somatic therapies already do. In other words, some see it as repackaging existing mind-body approaches with new terminology. For example, clinicians have long taught breathing, grounding, and social support for anxiety; PVT provides a unifying story (vagal states) for why those work, but the interventions themselves aren’t entirely new.

On the flip side, supporters of Polyvagal Theory point out that it has spurred valuable innovation in therapy by drawing attention to the role of the autonomic nervous system. Even if some details are debated, PVT has popularized concepts like co-regulation, neuroception, and the importance of feeling physiologically safe. These concepts have encouraged more therapists to incorporate somatic and relational techniques, moving beyond pure cognitive approaches that might fall short for trauma survivors​​. In practice, many therapists report that clients find the polyvagal framework validating – it reduces shame to learn that their intense reactions (like dissociating or raging) are bodily responses to threat, not personal failures. Teaching a client about their “3 states” and how those states hijack their brain (e.g. explaining that in a fight/flight state, the prefrontal cortex goes offline – which is why they can’t think clearly or later feel as if they were “drunk” during an angry outburst) can provide a powerful reframe that facilitates healing​​. Thus, some experts maintain that PVT, while not a perfect scientific theory, is an extremely useful clinical narrative. As one article put it, the phenomena described by Porges may not be solely vagal, but the theory provides a “useful paradigm for trauma recovery and psychosomatic healing”​​. It invites a holistic view of therapy that bridges mind and body, rather than treating them as separate.

In summary, the controversies around Polyvagal Theory center on scientific precision and evidence. The autonomic nervous system is undoubtedly complex, and PVT is an evolving theory attempting to map that complexity. Some claims (especially in earlier formulations of the theory) are being refined or challenged by new research. Clinicians are advised to stay updated and avoid oversimplified interpretations. Nevertheless, Polyvagal Theory’s emphasis on safety and connection has had a positive impact on therapeutic practices, even as researchers continue to examine and debate its neurobiological details. For the end user (clients and laypeople), PVT should be seen as a model to aid understanding and healing – one of several lenses (alongside attachment theory, traditional neuroscience, etc.) through which we can understand human behavior. As more studies emerge, we may get a clearer picture of which aspects of Polyvagal Theory hold up and which need revision. Until then, its greatest contribution is arguably the mantra that “safety is the treatment”: that is, helping an individual feel biologically safe (in their body and in relation to others) is the crucial ingredient for growth, learning, and emotional well-being​​.

Applying Polyvagal Theory in Open Relationships (Relationship Anarchy)

Open relationships – including styles like polyamory and relationship anarchy (RA) – introduce unique interpersonal dynamics that can trigger our nervous system in both challenging and enriching ways. Relationship anarchy emphasizes autonomy, non-hierarchy, and breaking out of traditional “rules” of relating. However, no matter how intellectually committed we are to these values, we remain human animals with attachment systems and autonomic responses. Polyvagal theory offers a useful lens for understanding the emotional rollercoaster that open relationships can evoke: from the highs of love and compersion to the lows of jealousy, fear, or insecurity. By recognizing how different nervous system states show up in communication, boundary-setting, and attachment, individuals practicing non-monogamy can better navigate conflicts and support one another. In this section, we will explore: (1) how the ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal states might manifest in an open-relationship context (impacting communication, boundaries, and attachment styles); (2) strategies for self-regulation when facing the common triggers of open relationships; and (3) ways partners (and metamours) can co-regulate and foster a sense of safety across a network of relationships.

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Nervous System States in Communication, Boundaries, and Attachment

In any relationship, our ability to communicate and connect is deeply influenced by our physiological state – and this is especially pronounced in the complex emotional landscape of polyamory/RA. When all partners are in a Ventral Vagal (safe and social) state, open relationships tend to flourish: people feel secure, heard, and valued. In practical terms, this might look like being able to have an open-hearted conversation about boundaries or feelings without it turning into an argument. In a ventral state, one is present, curious, empathetic, and non-defensive​. For example, you might say to a partner, “I felt a bit uneasy when you went on that date, can we talk about it?” in a tone that invites dialogue rather than blame. Your facial expression is relaxed, you can listen to their perspective, and you can access compassion for both yourself and them. This corresponds to what attachment theory calls secure relating – interestingly, modern attachment research aligns with Polyvagal Theory by suggesting attachment security is not a fixed label but a moment-to-moment capacity that depends on nervous system regulation​. When we feel safe (ventral vagal activation), we naturally exhibit secure attachment behaviors: openness, flexibility, and trust​. In contrast, if the nervous system perceives a threat to the relationship, it may shift into an insecure state that parallels either anxious or avoidant attachment patterns (or a mix, in the case of disorganized attachment) – these align with the sympathetic and dorsal vagal states, respectively.

Consider a common trigger in polyamory: a surge of jealousy when your partner forms a new connection. Jealousy is often described cognitively as “fear of losing the bond” or envy, but somatically it can be understood as a fight/flight reaction – the body reads the new partner or the situation as a threat to one’s security. In a sympathetic-anxious state, your heart might race, you feel a jolt of adrenaline, and your mind floods with worried thoughts or mental comparisons (“Are they going to leave me? Is he more attractive than me?”). This state can hijack communication: hypervigilance and urgency take over​. You might speak in a raised, tense voice or send a barrage of anxious texts, or you might angrily accuse your partner out of raw fear. In polyvagal terms, the social engagement system is offline – your tone of voice hardens and your ability to accurately read cues diminishes (you might interpret your partner’s neutral comment in the worst possible way)​. Boundaries can also become difficult in this state: some people in fight/flight mode will violate boundaries (e.g. checking a partner’s messages without permission, showing aggressive or controlling behavior fueled by panic) while others might demand new restrictive boundaries in an attempt to regain control (e.g. “I need you to stop seeing them so often!”). These are fight/flight-mediated attempts to secure safety. On the flip side, a sympathetic state could also manifest as “anxious clinging” – desperately trying to talk, hash things out now, or seeking constant reassurance due to the inner alarm. This too can inadvertently push boundaries of a partner’s space or autonomy. Essentially, in a threat-triggered sympathetic state, communication tends toward conflict or franticness, and maintaining healthy boundaries or a collaborative tone is very challenging​. People often later regret things said or done in this state, likening it to not being in the “right mind” – which is accurate, as the prefrontal cortex was impaired by the autonomic storm​.

Now, not everyone reacts to relationship stress with fight or flight. Some experience a dorsal vagal response – essentially a form of emotional shutdown or dissociation. This might correspond to an avoidant attachment reactionin psychological terms. If a situation in an open relationship feels overwhelming or hopeless (e.g. one might think “I can’t compete with this new person” or “I’m always going to get hurt”), the nervous system might default to immobilization. In a dorsal-avoidant state, a person might withdraw from communication entirely: they might become silent, cancel meetups, or say “I’m fine” while clearly being not fine (flat voice, distant eyes). Internally, they could feel numb or detached, as if the whole thing “isn’t real” or they are observing from outside themselves. They might even experience fatigue, nausea, or heaviness – classic physiological signs of dorsal vagal activation. For their partners, this can be confusing or frustrating because the person seems to be absent or stonewalling. Boundary issues in this state often involve neglecting one’s own needs or allowing uncomfortable situations to continue without asserting oneself. For instance, someone might quietly endure a situation that makes them very hurt, failing to voice a boundary, because their system is in collapse/appease mode rather than fight mode. They could agree to things they don’t truly consent to, just to avoid conflict (that’s the “fawn”/appease response mentioned earlier)​. Appeasing in an open relationship context might look like people-pleasing: e.g. saying “yes, I’m totally okay with you spending the weekend with them” even if they are actually uncomfortable, thereby crossing their own boundaries due to fear of rocking the boat​. While this avoids immediate confrontation, it often creates downstream resentment or emotional distance.

It’s worth noting that individuals with attachment trauma or a history of abandonment may find open relationships uniquely triggering. Clementine Morrigan, a writer on trauma-informed polyamory, recounts how when she first tried polyamory, “I had a mental breakdown… All of this despite choosing and wanting polyamory for myself”​. Her mind was on board, but her nervous system went into survival overdrive – she experienced nightmares, intrusive thoughts, explosive mood swings, and felt utterly out of control​. This is a powerful illustration that our bodies can respond to polyamorous dynamics as if they were life-or-death matters, even when our intellect embraces them. In Morrigan’s case, the standard advice to “sit with jealousy and let it pass” proved futile because her feelings were “urgent and all-consuming”, accompanied by a visceral sense of doom​. She says it felt like she was going to die – a description that aligns with a dorsal vagal shutdown or a panic state where rational thought is drowned out by physiological emergency signals​. Indeed, she later recognized that much of what she was experiencing were nervous system reactions associated with complex PTSD and disorganized attachment, not a lack of love or ideological failure​. Many people with trauma report similar extremes in non-monogamous situations: the combination of love and threat can ignite deep-seated patterns. For example, a person with an anxious-preoccupied attachment might swing between clingy protest (sympathetic) and despairing collapse (dorsal) when triggered by a partner’s other relationships. Someone with avoidant tendencies might detach further (dorsal) or keep partners at arm’s length to never feel “too vulnerable.” Recognizing these responses as nervous system states can depersonalize conflicts – instead of labeling oneself or one’s partner as “jealous, crazy, or cold,” you can acknowledge the underlying state (e.g. “my nervous system is in fight/flight” or “they are in a shutdown right now”).

In practical relationship terms, it’s helpful for partners in an open relationship to learn each other’s cues of safety and threat. Just as an individual learns their own triggers, partners can come to recognize – without judgment – when a loved one is in sympathetic overdrive vs. dorsal withdrawal. For instance, one might notice “When I bring up scheduling dates with others, my partner’s shoulders tense and voice gets shaky – that’s a clue they’re entering a fear (fight/flight) state.” Another example: “When I suggested we all hang out together, my partner got very quiet and avoided eye contact; perhaps they’re nearing a shutdown (freeze) state due to feeling overwhelmed.” These observations allow couples or polycules to pause and address state shifts early. The ultimate goal is to interact when both are in a ventral (regulated) state as much as possible, because that’s when empathy, reason, and love are most accessible. As one polyamory educator quips, “conflict and hard conversations are best approached in Safe and Social… yet those experiences are most likely to send us flying out of Safe and Social”, especially if there’s past trauma or insecure attachment at play​. So, a polyvagal approach encourages intentionally creating conditions of safety for tough talks – which leads us to self-regulation and co-regulation strategies.

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Self-Regulation in Challenging Polyamorous Dynamics

Self-regulation refers to our ability to manage our own nervous system arousal – to bring ourselves from a state of dysregulation (fight/flight/freeze) back to a calmer, more balanced state. In the context of open relationships, self-regulation skills are invaluable. They enable you to handle waves of jealousy, fear, or anger without immediately reacting in ways that could harm your relationships. Instead, you can mindfully respond once you’re more centered. Here are some polyvagal-informed strategies for self-regulating during common challenges in relationship anarchy or polyamory:

  • Name the State and Normalize It: When you notice a trigger (say you see your partner laughing with their other partner and feel a pang), pause and identify what’s happening internally. Are you getting anxious (sympathetic)? Feeling the urge to shut down or run away (dorsal/flight)? Simply recognizing “My body is going into fight/flight right now” can create a bit of space. Remind yourself that this is a biological reaction to perceived threat, not an indictment of anyone’s love or your worth. It can help to literally say (to yourself or out loud): “Okay, my heart is pounding; my nervous system is alarmed. It thinks it’s in danger.” This echoes trauma-informed polyamory coaches’ advice to build nervous system literacy – understanding your states so you don’t feel crazy or ashamed for them​. By accepting “I’m triggered; I’m not in my rational brain at the moment,” you lay the groundwork for using your tools.

  • Use Calming Techniques (“Bottom-Up” Soothing): Employ any of the self-regulation tools (Table 2) that work for you to shift your state. In a heated moment, deep breathing is often the most accessible. For example, if you’re trembling with anxiety during a difficult conversation, you might say, “Give me a second, I need to breathe.” Taking those slow breaths or doing a quick grounding exercise (step out on the balcony and feel the cool air, for instance) can prevent escalation. Remember that when we’re in sympathetic overdrive, slowing the exhale tells the body it’s okay to relax​. If you’re more in the shut-down end (e.g. you notice you’re feeling numb and dissociated during a conversation), a different tactic might help – perhaps standing up and moving a bit to bring some energy back. You might say, “I’m fading out – mind if we walk while we talk?” Movement can counter dorsal collapse by adding a gentle sympathetic nudge (as long as it’s not too intense to feel unsafe). Some people have personal sensory tools: wrapping yourself in a blanket, holding a piece of ice, or listening to a specific “safe” song. These can all be part of a self-soothing toolkit you develop.

  • “Time-Outs” and Self-Boundaries: In monogamous couples therapy, taking a time-out during fights is often recommended. This is equally important in poly contexts, if not more, given the potential intensity of emotions. Agree with your partners that if one of you is too triggered (climbing down the polyvagal ladder), it’s not abandoning the issue to take a pause – it’s a responsible choice. For example, you might say “I want to talk about this, but I notice I’m really activated. Can we pause for 15 minutes so I can collect myself?”. The key is to resume the discussion at a specified time, so everyone trusts it will be addressed. During the pause, each person can use their preferred regulation methods (breathe, journal out their racing thoughts, splash water on face – even Porges humorously notes that a splash of cold water can stimulate the vagus nerve!). By committing to time-outs when needed, you enforce a boundary on escalation: rather than letting a conversation devolve into hurtful yelling or shutdown silence, you both agree to only engage when relatively regulated. This practice can greatly reduce trauma reenactment in relationships. Indeed, polyvagal experts note that noticing when you’ve been “pulled out of Self” (to use IFS language) and finding a pathway back is crucial​. Time-outs are one such pathway.

  • Draw on Internal Resources: Polyvagal theory talks about “resources” – anything that helps your body feel safer. In the midst of jealousy or fear, consciously bring a resource to mind. This could be a mental image of someone who loves you unconditionally (a friend, mentor, even a pet). It could be recalling a moment you felt proud or secure. Therapists might call this “resourcing” or “safe-place visualization.” For someone practicing RA, an empowering resource might be recalling why you chose this path – e.g. reflecting on your values of freedom and love, reminding yourself “I want to trust my partners.” Such cognitive reframing works best when your body is a bit calmer (hence doing it after breathing, etc.). Another internal resource is self-talk that is kind. Instead of spiraling (“I’m not good enough, that’s why they like someone else”), you might repeat a calming mantra like “I am loved, I am safe right now.” It sounds simplistic, but pairing such affirmations with slow breaths can steady a panicked heart. Over time, you are retraining your neuroception: consciously noting cues of safety (“My partner came home to me, they kissed me hello – I am still loved”) to counter the cues of danger your trauma might be fixating on​.

  • Plan and Practice: When calm, it’s useful to plan for the storm. Reflect on your known triggers and discuss them with partners before they happen, along with strategies. For example, if you know that the first night your partner sleeps with someone else will be hard for you, plan some regulating activities for yourself that evening: schedule a date with a friend, have a comforting movie ready, etc. Perhaps ask your partner if they’d be willing to send a goodnight text or some small gesture that helps your nervous system not spiral (clear communication can serve as a “safety cue”). Also, practice your regulation exercises regularly, not just in crisis. Just as one might practice fire drills, do “state drills”: notice what it feels like to be ventral (maybe during a meditation or a positive experience) and note what helps you stay there. Notice mild moments of anxiety and practice bringing yourself down a notch. This builds confidence that “I can survive these intense feelings.” Morrigan writes that building capacity for Safe and Social may take time, especially if you have trauma, but it can grow by gradually creating experiences of safety and learning to notice those cues​. She even provides worksheets with questions like “How do I know I’m in Safe and Social? How do I know I’m in fight/flight or freeze? What helps me return to safety?” – and suggests partners and metamours do the same, then share their answers​. By understanding your own and each other’s nervous system profiles, everyone can become more adept at catching dysregulation early and applying the right remedy​.

In summary, self-regulation in open relationships is about slowing down the emotional process so that thoughtful, loving intentions can catch up with visceral reactions. It’s normal in RA to face situations that put your theoretical ideals to the test – your heart races, or you shut down even when you “know” intellectually that you’re not in danger of abandonment. Having concrete techniques to regulate yourself in those moments is empowering. It moves you from reactivity (where you might say or do things that sabotage the relationship) to responsiveness (where you can come back to a conversation in a calmer state and actually address the underlying needs). Importantly, self-regulation doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone. It interfaces with co-regulation, which we’ll discuss next – often the quickest way to regulate is actually in connection with a caring other. The dance of autonomy and connection is at the heart of open relationships, and polyvagal theory reminds us that even the most independent among us sometimes need a soothing voice or a warm hug to help reset our nervous system.

Co-Regulation and Support within a Network of Relationships

Co-regulation is the process by which two or more nervous systems adjust and balance one another. In a polyamorous network or any open relationship structure, co-regulation can happen between primary partners, between metamours (partners of partners), or within the broader community of friends. Embracing co-regulation does not contradict the ethos of relationship anarchy; rather, it acknowledges that consenting interdependence – choosing to be sources of support for each other – can enhance everyone’s well-being. When individuals in a polycule actively foster a sense of safety for one another, the entire network becomes more resilient. Here are ways to apply co-regulation in open relationships:

  • Cultivate a “Safe Base” with Each Partner: In attachment theory, a secure base is a relationship one can return to for comfort. In poly terms, each relationship can strive to have that foundation of safety. This means being intentionally present and comforting to a partner who is struggling, even if the struggle involves another relationship. For example, if your partner comes home upset after seeing you flirt with someone at a party, a co-regulative response would be to invite them to express their feelings and meet them with empathy and reassurance. Perhaps you sit close, maintain a gentle tone, and say, “I’m here, tell me what’s coming up for you.” By staying calm and not getting defensive, you offer your regulated nervous system as an anchor for their dysregulated one. This can literally slow their heart rate and ease their threat response, because their neuroception picks up on your caring signals (soft eyes, calm voice) as cues of safety. Porges notes that social connectedness is a powerful biological antidote to threat – our ventral vagal system activates when we feel held in someone’s positive regard​. So, investing in these moments of comfort is crucial. It can be as simple as saying “You’re safe with me, I love you” while giving them a hug, if that’s what they need to hear. Physical affection (holding, cuddling) can be incredibly regulating if the person is open to it – touch releases oxytocin and can directly shift an autonomic state from protection to connection. Always attune: sometimes an overwhelmed person might not want intense eye contact or touch initially, so you might offer (“Would you like to sit together or should we take a little walk?”) and follow their cues.

  • Meta-communication and Emotional Validation: Co-regulation in communication involves active listening and validation. When a partner or metamour shares a vulnerable fear, resist the urge to immediately problem-solve or contradict their feelings. Instead, validate first: “I hear that when I went on that date, you felt really lonely and scared. That makes sense – it’s a hard situation, and your feelings are completely valid​.” Validation doesn’t mean you agree with a negative self-assessment they have; it means you acknowledge their emotional reality without judgment​. This kind of response helps the person feel “felt” – an experience that in itself brings the nervous system toward safety because they no longer have to fight to prove their pain. Contrast this with an invalidating response like “Oh, you’re overreacting, you know I love you” – even if well-intentioned, that can further dysregulate by adding shame or a sense of not being understood. According to polyvagal principles, being well-understood is inherently regulating: it signals to the nervous system that “I am safe enough here to be seen in my distress, and I’m still accepted.” Practicing nonviolent communication techniques (using “I” statements, expressing needs without blame) also ties in, because it maintains connection rather than triggering defensiveness. Metamour relationships (e.g. two people who share a partner) can greatly benefit from this approach too – for instance, two metamours might sit down together to air any tensions and deliberately do so with empathy, perhaps even explicitly saying “I want us both to feel secure; I’m not here to compete.” Such conversations, though difficult, can turn potential rivalry into co-regulation: you become allies in each other’s nervous system’s safety.

  • Shared Ground Rules and Signals: In a network of relationships, it’s useful to agree on certain protocols when someone is triggered. Maybe you develop a safe word or signal that means “I’m near my limit” so others can shift approach. For example, an individual could say “I’m red-zoning” to indicate they are close to shutting down or exploding. This prompts everyone to perhaps take a break or offer support. Also, share with your partners what specific responses help you when you’re upset. One person might want gentle humor to break tension, another might want to be left alone for a bit then gently approached. By sharing this proactively (as suggested in the nervous system literacy exercises)​, you equip your partners to co-regulate you more effectively, and vice versa. It’s a bit like each person having an operating manual for their triggers. For instance: “When I’m jealous, I might act angry, but what I really need is for you to not withdraw. If you calmly tell me you care and maybe give me a hug, it helps a lot.” Another: “If I go silent and dissociate, it helps if you can sit with me quietly and maybe encourage me to breathe, rather than peppering me with questions.” These tailored strategies can short-circuit potentially hours of argument or isolation.

  • Community and Metamour Support: In relationship anarchy, there’s often an emphasis on community and viewing metamours not as threats but as additional support. Polyvagal theory backs this up by noting that we can co-regulate not only in dyads but in larger groups. A tight-knit polycule or network of friends can function as a “distributed social safety net.” For example, if one person is having a hard time with a boundary discussion, a mutual friend or another partner could act as a soothing presence or mediator. This is similar to co-regulation in group therapy settings, where sometimes another member’s empathy can calm someone more than the primary partner who is involved in the conflict. Trauma-aware polyamorous communities sometimes explicitly create support systems: e.g. one might have a designated “jealousy buddy” – a friend you can call who understands polyvagal stuff and can coach you through breathing or just reassure you. Knowing you’re not alone with your big feelings immediately lessens their intensity. It’s the “tend and befriend” response – under stress, reaching out to caring others to collectively handle the threat. In fact, one article on trauma and non-monogamy noted that “Trauma-informed relationships are patient, non-coercive, and mutually respectful…a trauma-sensitive relationship is one where each person’s nervous system is taken into account”​. This ethos naturally leads to a community-oriented approach: everyone’s in it together to ensure each individual feels as safe as possible.

  • Practice Co-Regulating Activities: Doing activities together that naturally engage the social engagement system can build a reservoir of goodwill and safety. For poly partners, this might be spending quality time that’s not about processing or logistics, but pure connection – for example, cuddling and watching a movie, or dancing together, or even things like partnered yoga or breathing exercises. Some polyamorous triads or quads (three or four person relationship units) engage in group relaxation rituals – maybe a nightly ritual of all saying something they appreciate about each other, which fosters positive connection and safety cues. If metamours are open to it, spending casual, no-pressure time together (like all getting brunch) can reduce the unknown “danger” feeling and humanize everyone, contributing to a sense of a safe tribe rather than isolated competitors. However, co-regulation doesn’t mean forced compersion or pretending to be happy – it means authentic positive experiences of togetherness where possible. Even laughter is co-regulating (laughing releases tension and often moves people up the ladder to ventral vagal). One could have a shared group chat where funny or loving messages are exchanged – when someone is down, seeing affirmations from multiple corners can neurologically remind them they are supported.

  • Respect Autonomy within Co-Regulation: Relationship anarchy values autonomy and not making assumptions on others’ behalf. Co-regulation should always be offered, not imposed. Ask consent: “Do you want comfort or space right now?”. True co-regulation is reciprocal and respecting​. It’s important that each person feels they can say “not right now” if an attempt at co-regulation (like a hug) doesn’t feel right in the moment. The ultimate goal is to cultivate an environment where everyone trusts that their nervous system state matters to the others. When that trust is there, simply knowing “my partners care about my emotional safety” already makes the world seem less threatening. Porges has noted that trust is a biological cue of safety – and secure open relationships require a lot of trust, not just in fidelity (since non-monogamy redefines that) but in emotional reliability. If you demonstrate over time that you can be kind even during conflicts, that you won’t abandon someone in distress, and that you take responsibility for your own regulation as well, then each person’s neuroception of the relationship will trend toward “safe.” This can break the vicious cycle where one person’s trigger triggers the other, and so on. Instead, you create a virtuous cycle: your calm helps me calm, my calm helps you calm.

By applying polyvagal principles to open relationships, individuals practicing relationship anarchy can handle the intense emotions that sometimes arise without viewing them as antithetical to freedom. In fact, freedom and security can bolster each other: when people feel safe, they are more confident and generous in giving freedom; and when they have freedom with support, they feel safe to be themselves. A polyvagal approach simply recognizes that our biology might need some help getting on board with the ideals our mind chooses. It encourages patience and compassion – for oneself and for each other – in the process. Over time, practicing these regulation and co-regulation skills can lead to what Morrigan calls “nervous system love” – a state where love is not just an idea but something felt in the body as safe and expansive, rather than painful and contracting​. When multiple people achieve this, you have a network of relationships where everyone’s nervous system has more flexibility and resilience. Jealousy and fear may still visit, but they are recognized, tended to, and move through more quickly, leaving a stronger sense of connection in their wake.

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Conclusion

Polyvagal Theory provides a profound understanding of the interplay between our physiology and our social lives. It reminds us that concepts like safety, trust, and intimacy are not just abstract ideas – they are embodied states, governed by an elegant evolutionary hierarchy of neural circuits. Stephen Porges’ work has illuminated why feeling safe is the prerequisite for love and learning: when our autonomic nervous system perceives safety, we access our fullest humanity – we can connect, reason, play, and heal​​. Conversely, when we perceive threat, our bodies may hijack us into modes of defense that can look like anger, anxiety, or numbness. Understanding this is powerfully normalizing. It allows individuals and clinicians to address the root causes of distress (down-regulating a threat response) rather than just the symptoms.

We explored how therapists use polyvagal insights to help clients regulate their nervous systems through breathing, movement, somatic awareness, and importantly, the therapeutic relationship itself. Modalities like Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems have integrated these principles, acknowledging that befriending the bodyand creating conditions of safety are key to overcoming trauma. We also examined the valid criticisms of Polyvagal Theory: while the general principles of the vagal system’s role in emotion are widely appreciated, some of the specific mechanisms (e.g. which vagal branch does what) remain unproven and somewhat speculative​. Scientists urge caution in treating PVT as settled fact, pointing to alternative explanations and the need for more empirical research​. Thus, it’s wise to see PVT as a complementary perspective rather than a totalizing theory of everything.

Finally, we applied the polyvagal lens to the context of open relationships and relationship anarchy. This demonstrated the theory’s practical utility beyond the therapy room – in real-life relational challenges. By recognizing how different autonomic states (safe/social vs. fight/flight vs. shutdown) manifest in communication and attachment, people can navigate non-monogamy with greater awareness and compassion. They can develop tools to self-soothe when jealousy or fear strikes, and equally important, lean into co-regulation – consciously helping soothe each other’s nervous systems through empathy, validation, and loving presence. In doing so, an open relationship network can become a secure support system, turning a context that might be triggering into one that is growth-fostering. As one source beautifully put it, “we were born in relationship, wounded in relationship, and we heal in relationship”​. Polyvagal theory, at its heart, gives a scientific articulation to that proverb. It tells us that while our protective responses are deeply ingrained (for good reason), our capacity for connection is just as hard-wired – and with mindful practice, it can be continuously strengthened.

In a world where many of us live with chronic stress and relational trauma, the lessons of Polyvagal Theory are timely. Whether you are a therapist helping a client overcome PTSD, a couple trying to communicate better, or a polycule navigating complex emotions, the message is the same: start with safety. Prioritize cues of safety in your environment, your body, and your interactions. From that foundation, curiosity, understanding, and love can emerge. The polyvagal perspective ultimately invites us to build a life (and relationships) that honor our biological need for security while celebrating the rich social connections that make us human​. By listening to our nervous systems and caring for them – individually and collectively – we unlock the possibilities of deeper healing, intimacy, and freedom.

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